Hello. My name is Sam Burnett, I am a writer and I live in south London. Not the good part, the bit that has been teetering on the brink of gentrification for about 20 years. But I like it. I went to university in Bangor in north Wales, where I studied German. I did some politics, a masters at Coventry University (automotive journalism – it's reputable) and then I became a journalist. I have edited some things and done lots of fun stuff. Follow me on Twitter and several other things at the bottom of the page.
But seriously, don't trust any of that nonsense. Have a look at some pictures, which never lie.
Here I am, next to a tractor in Norway. I'm not entirely sure I understand the whole concept of selfies, but this is technically impressive if nothing else. It never seems to get that dark in Norway, it kind of freaked me out a little bit.
Look at me, every inch the convincing man-about-town, gadding about in a Ferrari. At Fiorano, no less. Clearly I am a successful being who gets photographed doing impressive things – and this one isn't even a selfie.
Here I am with my dear mum, aged around something much younger than I am now. Definitely less than seven. Maybe the candle on the birthday cake gives it away a little bit, I don't know. I was cute, no?